所以你像個瘋子一樣，自己和自己對話，你只想和自己對話，獨自留在房間，窗外的風景就是所有的風景，你不想成為任何人，但任何人的話語卻又左右你成為甚麼樣的人。你以為躲在自己小小的房間，就能躲開所有人的眼光，沒有人在注視，為所欲為，只有你走出房間，才發現沒有人在意你，所有的恐懼來自內在的孤寂。

你把自己看成是水，願意投進任一容器，融入所有環境，這是你能付出的努力，不想被隔離與無法妥協之間，你懷疑一切都是自己的過錯。苦思著無關痛癢的問題，你己經忘了自己最真實的渴望是甚麼。拼命地尋找，尋找那把打開大門的鑰匙，你希望有人在門的另一邊等著你，你相信門後的就是你想要的，顯然你不清楚門後躲藏著甚麼，你只是盲目地相信。

你能吃能睡，睡得酣甜，這幾天下來，做過甚麼夢，醒來後卻不留痕蹟，好像在睜開眼前一秒有人吃掉你整晚編織的夢似的，你毫無印象在夢裡遇見了甚麼。「真希望我能保留昨晚的夢」你這樣對自己說，因為你相信，那個朝思暮想的人，在夢裡浮現，但坐在日光下，你只好讓新的一天重來，因為你失去記憶，重複的晝夜替換，你又快老一歲。

So you are like a mad man, you talk to yourself. You only want to talk to yourself and no one else. Left alone in a room, the scenery from the window is all the scenery you have. You don't want to become anyone, but anyone's words could coerce you into being something else, someone else. You believe that hiding yourself from the world out there, will allow you to escape other people's eyes. No one will see you, you can do whatever you want. Only when you get out of the room, you realize no one acknowledges your existence. The fear has arrived, born out of the solitude.

You see yourself as a flow of water, you are willing to put into any container, into all kinds of environments - that's the effort you're willing to make. You don't want to be isolated but you are unable to compromise, you suspect that everything is your own fault. You've been thinking about questions that don't really matter, you've forgotten your truest desires. Desperately seeking to find the key that unlocks the door that confines you, you wish for someone to be on the other side of the door, you believe who or what lies behind the door is actually what you want. You want to believe, however, you don't know what waits for you, you move forward with blind hope. 

You eat and sleep - sleep becomes an escape. You don't remember the dreams you are having these days, no traces to be found, because all your dreams seem like they've never existed. As if someone has eaten each one of them before you could wake up. You have no idea what you have encountered in your dreams.  "I wish I could retain the dream from last night," you sadly murmur to yourself, because you believe that the one you've been thinking of, has appeared. But sitting in the sunlight, you had to let the new day in. With the heat of the sun, your dream has evaporated like water on the sidewalk. This repeats day in and day out, day after day, week after week, month after month - until you find yourself one year older.