往前行的船隻
晨曦的𥌓光
路過
徬徨吶喊憤怒抗爭
生而為人
又如何避得開紛亂
無邊的天際
茫茫大海
我們值得擁有甚麼
2019-06-14
2019-02-16
要忙的事情有很多，自己的展覽是其中之一，離展覽開幕還有10天，目前還在馬不停蹄處理各種細節。久別重逢的朋友看到我都會問一句：「回來澳門了？」我只是面帶微笑回道：「我目前在澳門。」我一直是那個離開又回來的人。如滾石般，不停轉換場景，在我身邊的人事物也不停轉換，有累積也有消耗，人能裝載的事物總有限度。我在這處與他方之間，我並不可能於此地久留，又無法於異地長居，我只有這一刻的停留，然後又再揮一揮衣袖。收集沿路上不停改變的風景。那些風景，最終變成模糊的記憶。
去年接到 Alice 做展覽的邀請的時候，我還在紐約，也正計劃著去向，書已經讀完，大概可以回到澳門做一個展覽，當做總結，相對應2014年前往紐約之前的那個首次個展《活在明日的回憶裡》。五年後的今天，《閒下來的雙手淪為惡魔的玩物》這句中世紀的英文諺語成為了是次展覽的名稱，「遊手好閑」的我其實想表達些甚麼呢？
因為這次展覽，做了一些訪問，可惜的事，愈是說自己最在乎的事情，愈是不好說清楚。也許我要說的，和我沒有說的，都在我的畫裡了。
謝謝 Alice Kok 的邀請和策展人序，也謝謝好友 Wenghang Chan 陳穎衡 和另一半 Benjamin Hodges 為我撰文，他們對我的了解，可以說是把我敏感易碎的心思都瞭如指掌，對我個人和我的作品都作出了細膩的描寫，彌補了我難以啟齒的種種含糊其詞，讓觀者比較容易明白我的想法。
去年接到 Alice 做展覽的邀請的時候，我還在紐約，也正計劃著去向，書已經讀完，大概可以回到澳門做一個展覽，當做總結，相對應2014年前往紐約之前的那個首次個展《活在明日的回憶裡》。五年後的今天，《閒下來的雙手淪為惡魔的玩物》這句中世紀的英文諺語成為了是次展覽的名稱，「遊手好閑」的我其實想表達些甚麼呢？
因為這次展覽，做了一些訪問，可惜的事，愈是說自己最在乎的事情，愈是不好說清楚。也許我要說的，和我沒有說的，都在我的畫裡了。
謝謝 Alice Kok 的邀請和策展人序，也謝謝好友 Wenghang Chan 陳穎衡 和另一半 Benjamin Hodges 為我撰文，他們對我的了解，可以說是把我敏感易碎的心思都瞭如指掌，對我個人和我的作品都作出了細膩的描寫，彌補了我難以啟齒的種種含糊其詞，讓觀者比較容易明白我的想法。
2019-02-09
2019-01-29
2018-12-31
2017-04-03
一個中國人，有本名不叫，偏要改個外文名，是挺讓人好奇的。我重複說，那是在我小學的時候，在我當時會去的基督教教會宣道堂，我聽到一美國傳教士說 "Crystal" 這個名，意思是鑽石之類，我也不明所以，因為方便外國人稱呼，也因為英文課老師都要求我們有個外文名，覺得聽起來挺順耳，就替自己改了這個外文名。想外文名都有動過一些腦筋，因為本名叫慧雯，最順手的就是跟周慧敏叫 Vivian了。其間，胞姐還有提意過叫 Tweety, 那個黃色的卡通片角色翠兒。現在都把自己跟 "Crystal" 這個名子建立了很深厚的情誼所以也無謂糾結於喊不喊本名這動作。外國人始終很好奇中國人外文名的由來，但作為中國人卻有難以說明的源委，說歷史淵源，藤㨢瓜瓜㨢藤，口齒不清也不知從何說起又說對幾成，但若我要概括，改外文名似乎就是含糊自己身份的一種樣式吧。
2017-03-07
2017-02-20
2017-02-15
2017-01-17
2017-01-16
2016-07-15
居無定所 MOVABLE HOME
居無定所
MOVABLE HOME
「不要讓世界的重量把你壓倒，不要讓頭上的天空成為夢魘。」
- Benjamin，2016年1月
“Don’t let the weight of the world get you down. Don’t let the sky be a nightmare.”
- Benjamin, 2016 January
五月學期結束，最傷腦筋的環節是清空學校的儲物櫃。數幅大型油畫、一厚疊紙本絲網印刷、雕塑作品、顏料工具箱，打包收拾好叫車載回家。
The academic year ended in May, it’s a big challenge to clear out the locker and to take home all my paintings, sketching pads, silkscreen prints, sculpture, and working tools.
還有更傷腦筋的事：我又要搬家。
There is a bigger challenge than that: to move home.
一年半前初到步紐約，以房租低廉為首要租住條件，我搬進皇后區 Middle Village 一獨幢屋三樓，偌大的一個房間，與房東、房東太太還有兩位女住客共用廚房和洗手間。跟房東還會偶爾聊上幾句，不過房東太太卻整天板著臉，好像整個世界對不起她似的；另外一位女租客性格也怪靈怪氣，會無緣無故對著牆壁嚎叫。後來才聽說其實房東想嚷她走，可惜她不肯走，房東也拿她沒辦法。在這樣的環境下，回到家我就關在自己房裡，跟同屋的人都甚少交流。好不容易待了半年，租約滿了決定搬離。
One and a half years ago, I settled down in Middle Village in Queens when I first arrived in New York. My room was on the third floor of a town house, cheap rent, and spacious. I shared the kitchen and bathroom with my landlords, a married middle-aged Chinese couple, and two other female roommates. I talked with the husband sometimes, but the wife was always with an angry face and was not interested to have any conversation. One of the female roommates wasn’t any better. She sometimes yelled at the wall for no reason. Later on I figured out that actually the landlords wanted her to move out but she refused. It wasn't a friendly living environment so I basically locked myself in my room most of the time. The lease lasted for half a year and once it ended, I decided to move out.
去年八月回了澳門一個月，九月回到紐約時暫住朋友家，然後很倉猝地找房。紐約一間單人房的租金一般在八百至一千五百元美金之間，而我的租房預算只有五百元美金。陳蔚的兩位朋友戴亮以及法克在布魯克林 Putnam 大道租住的獨幢屋剛好有一間細小的房間，完本不打算外租，但如果我有需要，可以以超低價四百五十元美金轉租給我，這樣也可以幫補他們的水、電、媒氣、網路費用開銷。房間很小，放下一張單人床墊以及一個書架之後，基本上沒剩甚麼空間了。不過由於是獨幢屋的關係，這住處的廚房和客廳都相當闊落，有後花園以及地下室，一共有四個衛生間。我和戴亮的房間在二樓，法克的房間在一樓。盡管房間比過往住在 Middle Village 的房間細小，但布魯克林的 Bushwick 區始終比皇后區有生氣。反正和房東住在同一屋簷下實在是個不好的主意，也慶幸不用再忍受房東太太的無禮對待。
Last August I was in Macao. When I returned to New York in September, I stayed temporarily in a friend’s place and had to find a room in just a few days. Rent in New York is typically around 800 USD to 1500 USD, but I set my budget to 500 USD. Chen Wai heard that I was looking for a room in a rush and referred me to two of her friends, Frank and Dai Liang. They were renting a townhouse on Putnam Avenue in Brooklyn and there was a tiny room available. Initially, they were not thinking to rent out that tiny room; but if I could live with that, they would only charge me 450 USD. They could also use that money to help cover the housing expenses such as fees for water, electricity, gas and the Internet. The room was so tiny that it could only fit one single bed and a bookshelf. However, the kitchen and the sitting room were quite spacious. There was also a backyard, basement, and four bathrooms. Dai Liang and I stayed on the upper floor while Frank stayed on the ground floor. Even though my bedroom was much smaller than the one I had in Queens, living in Bushwick felt more lively; not to mention that it’s totally a bad idea to live with your landlord.
法克和戴亮都是 SVA 平面設計系的學生。法克來自四川，他和我的狀況有些相似，先在武漢大學日語學士畢業，工作了一段時間後決定到紐約投考平面設計學士。他的頭髮稍長，在家裡都會帶髮箍，個子高而且壯健，由於長時間坐在電腦前埋頭苦幹而少了段練，長了點肉，二十六歲，在我還沒出現前，他算是朋友圈當中的「老男人」了。戴亮來自新疆，但他其實是漢人，身型比較瘦小，二十二歲，他有著春光乍洩裡面黎耀輝的那種氣質，本來在頭頂上留了長髮會扎起一束小馬尾，後來整理了平頭裝，像個華人電影裡面的小流氓，亦更加有黎耀輝的神韻。他們兩個的面形不同，但他們笑嘻嘻的方式卻很相像，總是打從心裡笑出來一樣，像孩子般真誠但又帶點淘氣。
Frank and Dai Liang both major in graphic design at SVA. Frank is from Sichuan and has a similar situation as mine. He has a bachelor degree in Japanese Studies from Wuhan University. After working for a while, he decided to apply for a graphic design undergraduate program in New York. He always wears a headband for his slightly long hair. As he has been sitting in front of his computer too often, it has begun to take a toll on his otherwise fit body. At the age of 26, he is considered the “old man” among the friend circle. Dai Liang is from Xinjiang, however, he is Han. He is 22, and has a body type and attitude as that of Lai from Wong Kar Wai’s movie “Happy Together.” He used to have a pony tail on the top of his head, a top knot. He looks more like Lai after he shaved his head. Frank and Dai Liang have totally different types of faces, but the way they laugh is quite the same. It is a hearty laugh, like a child, innocent but a touch of naughty.
有時會有些朋友到我們家串門子開派對，包括陳蔚。她是SVA 室內設計系，來自潮州，會說不太標準的廣東話，雖然對飲食十分節制不過身型還是略胖，笑的時候眼睛會咪起來，說話並不尖銳，話語間帶點溫柔與慈祥。她同時是朋友圈裡面把所有人連起來的關鍵人物，似乎我們都是經由她而互相認識。在廣東長大的北京人萬順達，他們常說他長得像竇唯，反正我並不知道竇唯長甚麼樣子，他講話的方式像一個古代的文人雅士，像念詩那樣慢吞吞地吐出每一個字，句末的那個字會拉長壓扁。北京人劉佳林講話的速度像跑馬燈，有時候我會跟不上。張開來自杭州，他和日本來的 Masa 借用了我們的地下室組樂隊練習。他們幾個都是純藝術學系，所以我們有時候會在純藝大樓碰頭。平面設計系的一一來自蘇州，常常通宵趕作業的關係，少女氣質的臉龐上長了很深的黑眼圈，同系的王彪大概也因為太操勞的關係，一個學年下來瘦了一整圈。
Their friends come to our place to party. Chen Wai is one of them. She studies interior design. She is from Chaozhou and can speak Cantonese, though not in a very accurate accent. She has been on a diet from the first day I met her; but still, she looks a bit chubby. Her eyes arch when she smiles. We all know each other because of her, maybe because she is such a warm person. Another friend Wan is from Beijing but grew up in Canton. They often say that he looks like the Chinese musician Dou Wei. But who cares who is Dou Wei. He talks like a old time poet, each word climbs out slowly and gently from his mouth, and the last word, always sounds slightly longer and flattened. Lyn is also from Beijing. She talks fast as if in a race. Sometimes I can't keep up with her. Zhangkai is from Hangzhou, he and Masa (Japanese) have their band practice in our basement. They all study Fine Arts so I would see them sometimes in our Fine Arts Building. Yiyi is from Suzhou, she majors in Graphic Design, which keeps her up all night and leaves dark circles on her girlish face. Biao shares the same major, he became half his size after one academic year.
我才剛搬進去不久，他們大伙兒便來我們家吃火鍋慶祝中秋節。那是第一次與他們圍坐在一起。他們之間都是相識了有兩三年的朋友，年紀相若，在二十二歲附近，很愛互相調侃。當他們得知我二十九歲，萬順達很天真無邪地說了一句「你的年紀比我的大姐還大」，有些人驚覺他的無禮而顯得尷尬，有些人禁不住大笑。我自嘲，終有一天你們會知道其實二十九歲還是會住著一個長不大的心靈。
像這樣的火鍋聚會一年下來我們都辦過好幾次，偶爾會打麻雀，大家都喝得醉薰薰之後會放舞曲搖動身體。
Soon after I moved in, they came over for hot pot to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival. That was the first time I met all of them. They have known each other for about three years and they are all around 22. They love to tease each other. When they realized that I was 29, Wan was shocked and responded that I was even older than his oldest sister. Some were embarrassed by what he said, some laughed. I told them, one day you all would find out that a 29 years old body could actually contain a child-like mind.
After that time, we had a few more hot pot parties. Sometimes we play Majong, other times we dance while we are all tipsy.
其實我們家的住處算是挺費力氣才能到達，畢竟 L train 要坐到 Myrtle Ave & Wyckoff Ave，然後還要走十五分鐘的路程。住在 New Jersey 的一一和張開，更是隔了整個曼哈頓的距離，所以在我們家派對結束後，他們一般只好付昂貴的車資搭 Uber 回家。如果坐地鐵的話，要花上兩個多小時吧。
It’s not a hassle-free trip to our home from anywhere. It involves first taking the L train to Myrtle Ave & Wyckoff Ave, then there is a 15 minutes walk. Yiyi and Zhangkai live in New Jersey, which means they have to cross Manhattan. Often they have to take an expensive Uber ride home after the parties. The alternative is to take a two hour train ride home.
住在這區大多數是非洲裔以及拉丁美洲裔，偶爾會聽到黑人鄰居與朋友交談時扯高氣昂地喊著 “Nigga, nigga”。當然如果我們對著他們喊 nigga 就會被視作無禮，但非裔美國人卻時常這樣互相稱呼。在車站附近有好幾檔墨西哥美食車，嘴饞的時候我會買來一份牛舌 tacos。Myrtle 大道亦會偶爾舉行充滿拉丁美洲特色的週末市場。不過除此之外，這區其實並沒有甚麼過人之處，離潮人集中地 Williamsburg 或者是新興的 Bushwick 都相差甚遠。我們家所屬的範圍雖然勉強算是 Bushwick 區，但真正 Bushwick 潮店集中在 L train 線上的 Morgan 站或者是 Montrose 站，甚至是 Jefferson 或 DeKalb 站也不錯，有很多獨具一格的咖啡館、酒吧、二手衣店或者聽現場音樂的場所。因為有朋友住在 Montrose 那一站，所以我去過幾次 Duck Duck 以及 Tradesman 喝酒。Morgan 那站最有名應該算是 Roberta’s Pizza，那區亦進駐了很多藝術家工作室以及畫廊，Williamsburg 區名氣高的場所實在多不勝數，而且生活在那邊大多數是年輕人或藝術家，當然那邊的租金都不便宜，跟曼哈頓的租金相若。不過 L train 擬於2019年整修，現在還在全民諮詢到底要如何實行這個方案，全市議論紛紛，這個全紐約最多人乘搭的線路將要關閉整整十八個月，到時情況會怎麼樣呢？
The neighborhood is filled with African Americans and Latin Americans. I could often hear the black people calling each other “Nigga, nigga”. For us, it would be rude to use that word. There are quite a few Mexican food carts near the train station; sometimes I would get a lengua taco from one of them. Myrtle Ave holds a Latin Market on the weekends. But that’s it. There isn't much going on in the neighborhood. There is nothing close to the hipster Williamsburg, or the new trendy other parts of Bushwick. Where we are living is kind of on the edge of Bushwick. Morgan Station and Montrose Station are hipper parts of Bushwick. Jefferson Station and DeKalb Station are not that bad either. There are many cool cafes, bars, second hand clothing stores, and live music venues. My friend lives near Montrose Station. I have been to Duck Duck and Tradesman a few times. Roberta’s Pizza probably is the most well known place in Morgan Station. That area is full of artists’ studios and galleries. Williamsburg is the coolest, with countless trendy shops and restaurants packed with artsy young people. The rent there is as high as those in Manhattan. When the news mentioned that the L train would shut down for maintenance in 2019, it seemed like a nightmare for a lot of people. It became the most talked-about issue; no one knows how life would be if the L train closed for 18 months.
由於租金上漲的關係，法克和戴亮不打算續租目前這個獨幢屋，在我收捨行李回澳門過炎夏之際，同時需要將家當封箱，等到九月份返回紐約之後就要另覓新住址。租金便宜是我的首要規範，所以還不知道有沒有辦法和他們繼續當室友，也不知道下一站會住在哪裡。居無定所的狀態真有一種流浪的姿味。
Because the rent was raised, Frank and Dai Liang decided not to continue renting this townhouse. It was also time to pack my luggage home for the hot summer in Macao. It was time to pack all my belongings into cardboard boxes. The home hunting mission will repeat in the coming September. Where can I build my bird nest with my small budget? Will I still have them as my roommates? A movable home is like not having a real home.
或許像海明威那樣，他只能在回頭看時才能看清，當年二十多歲在巴黎所面對的貧窮困境、年輕時所擁有的不凡自信，以及遇過的各種人物，然後有一種原來如此的懷緬之情。
Perhaps, that’s what made Hemingway nostalgic about his twenties in Paris. Only when he looked back, did he understand the reason behind all the starving, staying poor, and confidence of youth. All those people he had encountered; they all meant something.
*Macau Closer 2016 July Issue Column 澳門特寫2016年7月號專欄*
MOVABLE HOME
「不要讓世界的重量把你壓倒，不要讓頭上的天空成為夢魘。」
- Benjamin，2016年1月
“Don’t let the weight of the world get you down. Don’t let the sky be a nightmare.”
- Benjamin, 2016 January
五月學期結束，最傷腦筋的環節是清空學校的儲物櫃。數幅大型油畫、一厚疊紙本絲網印刷、雕塑作品、顏料工具箱，打包收拾好叫車載回家。
The academic year ended in May, it’s a big challenge to clear out the locker and to take home all my paintings, sketching pads, silkscreen prints, sculpture, and working tools.
還有更傷腦筋的事：我又要搬家。
There is a bigger challenge than that: to move home.
一年半前初到步紐約，以房租低廉為首要租住條件，我搬進皇后區 Middle Village 一獨幢屋三樓，偌大的一個房間，與房東、房東太太還有兩位女住客共用廚房和洗手間。跟房東還會偶爾聊上幾句，不過房東太太卻整天板著臉，好像整個世界對不起她似的；另外一位女租客性格也怪靈怪氣，會無緣無故對著牆壁嚎叫。後來才聽說其實房東想嚷她走，可惜她不肯走，房東也拿她沒辦法。在這樣的環境下，回到家我就關在自己房裡，跟同屋的人都甚少交流。好不容易待了半年，租約滿了決定搬離。
One and a half years ago, I settled down in Middle Village in Queens when I first arrived in New York. My room was on the third floor of a town house, cheap rent, and spacious. I shared the kitchen and bathroom with my landlords, a married middle-aged Chinese couple, and two other female roommates. I talked with the husband sometimes, but the wife was always with an angry face and was not interested to have any conversation. One of the female roommates wasn’t any better. She sometimes yelled at the wall for no reason. Later on I figured out that actually the landlords wanted her to move out but she refused. It wasn't a friendly living environment so I basically locked myself in my room most of the time. The lease lasted for half a year and once it ended, I decided to move out.
去年八月回了澳門一個月，九月回到紐約時暫住朋友家，然後很倉猝地找房。紐約一間單人房的租金一般在八百至一千五百元美金之間，而我的租房預算只有五百元美金。陳蔚的兩位朋友戴亮以及法克在布魯克林 Putnam 大道租住的獨幢屋剛好有一間細小的房間，完本不打算外租，但如果我有需要，可以以超低價四百五十元美金轉租給我，這樣也可以幫補他們的水、電、媒氣、網路費用開銷。房間很小，放下一張單人床墊以及一個書架之後，基本上沒剩甚麼空間了。不過由於是獨幢屋的關係，這住處的廚房和客廳都相當闊落，有後花園以及地下室，一共有四個衛生間。我和戴亮的房間在二樓，法克的房間在一樓。盡管房間比過往住在 Middle Village 的房間細小，但布魯克林的 Bushwick 區始終比皇后區有生氣。反正和房東住在同一屋簷下實在是個不好的主意，也慶幸不用再忍受房東太太的無禮對待。
Last August I was in Macao. When I returned to New York in September, I stayed temporarily in a friend’s place and had to find a room in just a few days. Rent in New York is typically around 800 USD to 1500 USD, but I set my budget to 500 USD. Chen Wai heard that I was looking for a room in a rush and referred me to two of her friends, Frank and Dai Liang. They were renting a townhouse on Putnam Avenue in Brooklyn and there was a tiny room available. Initially, they were not thinking to rent out that tiny room; but if I could live with that, they would only charge me 450 USD. They could also use that money to help cover the housing expenses such as fees for water, electricity, gas and the Internet. The room was so tiny that it could only fit one single bed and a bookshelf. However, the kitchen and the sitting room were quite spacious. There was also a backyard, basement, and four bathrooms. Dai Liang and I stayed on the upper floor while Frank stayed on the ground floor. Even though my bedroom was much smaller than the one I had in Queens, living in Bushwick felt more lively; not to mention that it’s totally a bad idea to live with your landlord.
法克和戴亮都是 SVA 平面設計系的學生。法克來自四川，他和我的狀況有些相似，先在武漢大學日語學士畢業，工作了一段時間後決定到紐約投考平面設計學士。他的頭髮稍長，在家裡都會帶髮箍，個子高而且壯健，由於長時間坐在電腦前埋頭苦幹而少了段練，長了點肉，二十六歲，在我還沒出現前，他算是朋友圈當中的「老男人」了。戴亮來自新疆，但他其實是漢人，身型比較瘦小，二十二歲，他有著春光乍洩裡面黎耀輝的那種氣質，本來在頭頂上留了長髮會扎起一束小馬尾，後來整理了平頭裝，像個華人電影裡面的小流氓，亦更加有黎耀輝的神韻。他們兩個的面形不同，但他們笑嘻嘻的方式卻很相像，總是打從心裡笑出來一樣，像孩子般真誠但又帶點淘氣。
Frank and Dai Liang both major in graphic design at SVA. Frank is from Sichuan and has a similar situation as mine. He has a bachelor degree in Japanese Studies from Wuhan University. After working for a while, he decided to apply for a graphic design undergraduate program in New York. He always wears a headband for his slightly long hair. As he has been sitting in front of his computer too often, it has begun to take a toll on his otherwise fit body. At the age of 26, he is considered the “old man” among the friend circle. Dai Liang is from Xinjiang, however, he is Han. He is 22, and has a body type and attitude as that of Lai from Wong Kar Wai’s movie “Happy Together.” He used to have a pony tail on the top of his head, a top knot. He looks more like Lai after he shaved his head. Frank and Dai Liang have totally different types of faces, but the way they laugh is quite the same. It is a hearty laugh, like a child, innocent but a touch of naughty.
有時會有些朋友到我們家串門子開派對，包括陳蔚。她是SVA 室內設計系，來自潮州，會說不太標準的廣東話，雖然對飲食十分節制不過身型還是略胖，笑的時候眼睛會咪起來，說話並不尖銳，話語間帶點溫柔與慈祥。她同時是朋友圈裡面把所有人連起來的關鍵人物，似乎我們都是經由她而互相認識。在廣東長大的北京人萬順達，他們常說他長得像竇唯，反正我並不知道竇唯長甚麼樣子，他講話的方式像一個古代的文人雅士，像念詩那樣慢吞吞地吐出每一個字，句末的那個字會拉長壓扁。北京人劉佳林講話的速度像跑馬燈，有時候我會跟不上。張開來自杭州，他和日本來的 Masa 借用了我們的地下室組樂隊練習。他們幾個都是純藝術學系，所以我們有時候會在純藝大樓碰頭。平面設計系的一一來自蘇州，常常通宵趕作業的關係，少女氣質的臉龐上長了很深的黑眼圈，同系的王彪大概也因為太操勞的關係，一個學年下來瘦了一整圈。
Their friends come to our place to party. Chen Wai is one of them. She studies interior design. She is from Chaozhou and can speak Cantonese, though not in a very accurate accent. She has been on a diet from the first day I met her; but still, she looks a bit chubby. Her eyes arch when she smiles. We all know each other because of her, maybe because she is such a warm person. Another friend Wan is from Beijing but grew up in Canton. They often say that he looks like the Chinese musician Dou Wei. But who cares who is Dou Wei. He talks like a old time poet, each word climbs out slowly and gently from his mouth, and the last word, always sounds slightly longer and flattened. Lyn is also from Beijing. She talks fast as if in a race. Sometimes I can't keep up with her. Zhangkai is from Hangzhou, he and Masa (Japanese) have their band practice in our basement. They all study Fine Arts so I would see them sometimes in our Fine Arts Building. Yiyi is from Suzhou, she majors in Graphic Design, which keeps her up all night and leaves dark circles on her girlish face. Biao shares the same major, he became half his size after one academic year.
我才剛搬進去不久，他們大伙兒便來我們家吃火鍋慶祝中秋節。那是第一次與他們圍坐在一起。他們之間都是相識了有兩三年的朋友，年紀相若，在二十二歲附近，很愛互相調侃。當他們得知我二十九歲，萬順達很天真無邪地說了一句「你的年紀比我的大姐還大」，有些人驚覺他的無禮而顯得尷尬，有些人禁不住大笑。我自嘲，終有一天你們會知道其實二十九歲還是會住著一個長不大的心靈。
像這樣的火鍋聚會一年下來我們都辦過好幾次，偶爾會打麻雀，大家都喝得醉薰薰之後會放舞曲搖動身體。
Soon after I moved in, they came over for hot pot to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival. That was the first time I met all of them. They have known each other for about three years and they are all around 22. They love to tease each other. When they realized that I was 29, Wan was shocked and responded that I was even older than his oldest sister. Some were embarrassed by what he said, some laughed. I told them, one day you all would find out that a 29 years old body could actually contain a child-like mind.
After that time, we had a few more hot pot parties. Sometimes we play Majong, other times we dance while we are all tipsy.
其實我們家的住處算是挺費力氣才能到達，畢竟 L train 要坐到 Myrtle Ave & Wyckoff Ave，然後還要走十五分鐘的路程。住在 New Jersey 的一一和張開，更是隔了整個曼哈頓的距離，所以在我們家派對結束後，他們一般只好付昂貴的車資搭 Uber 回家。如果坐地鐵的話，要花上兩個多小時吧。
It’s not a hassle-free trip to our home from anywhere. It involves first taking the L train to Myrtle Ave & Wyckoff Ave, then there is a 15 minutes walk. Yiyi and Zhangkai live in New Jersey, which means they have to cross Manhattan. Often they have to take an expensive Uber ride home after the parties. The alternative is to take a two hour train ride home.
住在這區大多數是非洲裔以及拉丁美洲裔，偶爾會聽到黑人鄰居與朋友交談時扯高氣昂地喊著 “Nigga, nigga”。當然如果我們對著他們喊 nigga 就會被視作無禮，但非裔美國人卻時常這樣互相稱呼。在車站附近有好幾檔墨西哥美食車，嘴饞的時候我會買來一份牛舌 tacos。Myrtle 大道亦會偶爾舉行充滿拉丁美洲特色的週末市場。不過除此之外，這區其實並沒有甚麼過人之處，離潮人集中地 Williamsburg 或者是新興的 Bushwick 都相差甚遠。我們家所屬的範圍雖然勉強算是 Bushwick 區，但真正 Bushwick 潮店集中在 L train 線上的 Morgan 站或者是 Montrose 站，甚至是 Jefferson 或 DeKalb 站也不錯，有很多獨具一格的咖啡館、酒吧、二手衣店或者聽現場音樂的場所。因為有朋友住在 Montrose 那一站，所以我去過幾次 Duck Duck 以及 Tradesman 喝酒。Morgan 那站最有名應該算是 Roberta’s Pizza，那區亦進駐了很多藝術家工作室以及畫廊，Williamsburg 區名氣高的場所實在多不勝數，而且生活在那邊大多數是年輕人或藝術家，當然那邊的租金都不便宜，跟曼哈頓的租金相若。不過 L train 擬於2019年整修，現在還在全民諮詢到底要如何實行這個方案，全市議論紛紛，這個全紐約最多人乘搭的線路將要關閉整整十八個月，到時情況會怎麼樣呢？
The neighborhood is filled with African Americans and Latin Americans. I could often hear the black people calling each other “Nigga, nigga”. For us, it would be rude to use that word. There are quite a few Mexican food carts near the train station; sometimes I would get a lengua taco from one of them. Myrtle Ave holds a Latin Market on the weekends. But that’s it. There isn't much going on in the neighborhood. There is nothing close to the hipster Williamsburg, or the new trendy other parts of Bushwick. Where we are living is kind of on the edge of Bushwick. Morgan Station and Montrose Station are hipper parts of Bushwick. Jefferson Station and DeKalb Station are not that bad either. There are many cool cafes, bars, second hand clothing stores, and live music venues. My friend lives near Montrose Station. I have been to Duck Duck and Tradesman a few times. Roberta’s Pizza probably is the most well known place in Morgan Station. That area is full of artists’ studios and galleries. Williamsburg is the coolest, with countless trendy shops and restaurants packed with artsy young people. The rent there is as high as those in Manhattan. When the news mentioned that the L train would shut down for maintenance in 2019, it seemed like a nightmare for a lot of people. It became the most talked-about issue; no one knows how life would be if the L train closed for 18 months.
由於租金上漲的關係，法克和戴亮不打算續租目前這個獨幢屋，在我收捨行李回澳門過炎夏之際，同時需要將家當封箱，等到九月份返回紐約之後就要另覓新住址。租金便宜是我的首要規範，所以還不知道有沒有辦法和他們繼續當室友，也不知道下一站會住在哪裡。居無定所的狀態真有一種流浪的姿味。
Because the rent was raised, Frank and Dai Liang decided not to continue renting this townhouse. It was also time to pack my luggage home for the hot summer in Macao. It was time to pack all my belongings into cardboard boxes. The home hunting mission will repeat in the coming September. Where can I build my bird nest with my small budget? Will I still have them as my roommates? A movable home is like not having a real home.
或許像海明威那樣，他只能在回頭看時才能看清，當年二十多歲在巴黎所面對的貧窮困境、年輕時所擁有的不凡自信，以及遇過的各種人物，然後有一種原來如此的懷緬之情。
Perhaps, that’s what made Hemingway nostalgic about his twenties in Paris. Only when he looked back, did he understand the reason behind all the starving, staying poor, and confidence of youth. All those people he had encountered; they all meant something.
*Macau Closer 2016 July Issue Column 澳門特寫2016年7月號專欄*
2016-07-09
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