I have been places, there is always somewhere makes you feel better of yourself, somewhere makes you feel worse. Some brings calm, the other brings frustration. But I've never felt belonging to any. Not even the place I was born in or the place I'm living in. No matter where I am, my room is my kingdom and I'm my own landscape. I found that I'm always missing someone afar, someone living in another city, another reality. Where is my city? I come to learn that, my city is where my heart is placed.
於城市與城市之間，流離朗蕩。總會有那麼一個地方，叫我自在，又於另一境地，變得自我厭惡。某個他方使我平靜，某個異域使我抓狂。而我知道，我並不屬於任何地方；非出生地，非居留地。即便軀體於地域上轉移，我只想留在房間，築起我的王國，自成風景。思緒落在遠方。別處、異境，總有人叫我記掛。到底哪裡是我的城市？終究在於心屬何方。
2014-11-20
But deep down in my heart, I thank you for all the distance you keep. Discreet is a way lead me to recognize how you are truly meaningful to me. I wish I'm wiser and make you feel comfort. I wish I will never harm you. Every truthful and significant treasure won't reveal just by a glance. Lead me to be a patient one. And discover the precious pearl.
2014-11-17
I have been places, there is always somewhere makes you feel better of yourself, somewhere makes you feel worse. Some brings calm, the other brings frustration. But I've never felt belonging to any. Not even the place I was born in or the place I'm living in. No matter where I am, my room is my kingdom and I'm my own landscape. I found that I'm always missing someone afar, someone living in another city, another reality. Where is my city? I come to learn that, my city is where my heart is placed.
於城市與城市之間，流離浪蕩。總會有那麼一個地方，叫我自在，又於另一境地，變得自我厭惡。某個他方使我平靜，某個異域使我抓狂。而我知道，我並不屬於任何地方；非出生地，非居留地。即便軀體於地域上轉移，我只想留在房間，築起我的王國，自成風景。思緒落在遠方。別處、異境，總有人叫我記掛。到底哪裡是我的城市？終究在於心屬何方。
2014/11/17
2014-11-14
If art is the only important thing for now, so then I won't still be lingering. It's going backward but it's actually going forward, forward to the dream we've ever dreamt. Nothing we can foresee. But we have now. We don't have the whole other self. But we emerge. Space and distance, if detachment could really help. What if I doubt. All and all, I just want to believe. Believe in the eternity of the fragments, the tender lips, and the heart beat.
2014-10-26
I believe it's all about the moon. Suddenly the mood change. You are no longer where you were and I am no longer where I was. We are up and down like sea tide. There were happy moments, it's still there, it's still there, then it's gone. A promise is a promise; a secret is a secret. My arm was numb, I remember that, because of your sleeping head, I knew I wanted to remember that. Right on that moment. I knew we only would have that moment. No crying.
Actually I cried.
It's a process, just a process, to miss someone so deep in a phrase of your life. Then it will fade and vanish. Like everything else in the world. We live and die. So grab it, when you can, when that's what you want. I have no shame, no regret and dignity. All I have is fear. Fear to hold anything tight. We all suppose to be free and respectful. We suppose to learn and go deep to our spiritual level. And to accept the fruit / ash of everything. Though I prefer just to live and breath, to love when I feel like. I would rather throw away all the theories and intellectual philosophy talk. Just to live my life as I wish, at least once and only can be once. Too much history get to learn, too much concept need to be told. Leave it and live it.
And mark the date, the reunion of the kiss, 24th October 2014.
And mark the date, the reunion of the kiss, 24th October 2014.
2014-08-29
2014-07-19
2014-07-10
經過這一晚，展覽有了雛型，整個人輕鬆很多了。原來看似微不足道的東西，也發揮著重要的作用。一直不明瞭策展的重要性，但原來就算有了作品，如何把作品和空間連結起來，是那麼大的一個學問。在一開始，我看著我撒在一地的畫作，真的不知如何是好，我的確是個欠缺整理能力的人，但是ALICE一來，很自然地把作品與作品，和作品與空間，做了一個整合。對比下，我才發現我對空間是那麼不靈敏（還是難以相信當初我是哪筋神經有問題選讀了室內設計，幸好有自知，及時退場）。今天早上和PONTO FINAL做完訪問後，我發了個短訊給AI LIN，問她有沒有空，她問，甚麼事，我說，陪著我，就這樣，她出現了，然後我們一起吃中午飯，她知道我是那種「不知道呀，到時候再說吧」的人，所以她趕緊拿出一張紙，幫我規劃了離展覽開幕我還剩多少時間，然後一項一項地把我該完成的事情有條理地寫下來，開銷預算、數量、甚麼時候需要完成，寫好，遞給我，叫我按規劃進行，我看到，嘩，好厲害，planning這個東西總是耗上我半天，她一下子就弄好了。午飯後，她又把那張planning拿回去，她說，還是我打來提醒你吧，你大概不會拿出來看它一眼。道別後，她回到自己的工作地方，我回到展覽場地。我又開始著急了，畫還沒拿到場地，我打了第二通電話，我說，「ALGE，你在做甚麼」，「準備去游泳」，「可不可以載我去拿一下我的畫」，然後，他就出現了，幫我送了畫過來，陪我去買東西，呀，在他面前有些小壓力，因為，我知道我不能表現得不知所措，我要知道自己該做甚麼，然後行動，不然，他會覺得我沒腦子，幸好，他也了解我，體諒我的粗枝大葉，他陪了我一個下午，在我忘了自己該做甚麼的時候，就在旁邊提醒我，然後，我打了第三通電話，ALICE（嘿，現在才發現，怎麼都是A）在旁晚的時候來到書局，一來到就對我說，星期五是月圓呀，大好的日子！（是天上的月亮星星太陽風火水都會幫我一把的意思嗎？）她還把國傑都叫來，他們兩個一陪我就是整個晚上，一直到十二點多，在我對他們說了我整個展覽的主題和想要表達的感覺，和我想要在展覽裡存在的元素，透過他們對藝術的觸覺，推推砌砌，放在我面前的畫作，終於，好像找到屬於自己的伴侶般，很匹配地相依在一起，然後我之前的不安，也一消而散，這樣看過去，才發現，我的作品好像.... 真的不錯喔！突然就充滿了信心，去迎接那個.... 一想起我的心就亂跳一通的星期五！我真的很感謝很感謝他們，今天幫了我很大很大的忙，而且，就是一通電話就出現了。再加上很多朋友這陣子的不斷給我打氣，給予我肯定。我想很多朋友其實在開幕那天無法到場，有些是因為根本就不在澳門，有些是因為有別的要務在身，但他們都不忘記留言恭喜我，在我不斷懷疑自己「真的嗎？真的夠好了嗎？真的能見人嗎？」的時候，他們就來給我打強心針。還有還有，那個誰，咳該，也謝謝你的鼓勵，只是，只是... 就等你回來囉。（谷歌翻譯有讓你看得懂嗎？）
2014-07-08
也許婚前恐懼症大概都是這種感覺吧，就是在快要來臨的一刻，突然會懷疑，「真的嗎？真的夠好了嗎？能見人嗎？」一想到這裡，內心就會卜通卜通的跳，然後就要安撫自己地對自己說「其實這沒甚麼，就只是開個PARTY而已。人家每年搞生日不都這樣，就是要當一天主角。」可是，也許你不相信，雖然我很享受大家的注視，但同時，我又很不習慣於成為眾人的中心，也因為這個原因，我從來沒有主動邀約一伙朋友慶祝生日過，總覺得，我會好緊張，不想被察覺。我有時候自覺有點虛情假意，因為，一時我會過份熱情，一時又一副漠不關心的樣子，嗯，我只是有點飄忽不定，大家都很忍耐我，都很願意跟我交朋友，然後，在這個關鍵時刻，看到那麼多朋友支持我，內心暖暖的，好像在對我說：「不用擔心，大家沒忘記你，雖然，你平日都冷落我。」（哈哈）我不是一個很有條理的人，好像神經跳得有點快，總是想東想西的，所以準備展覽的過程中，有點手忙腳亂，我是有點擔心開幕當天，會發現還沒佈完展而崩潰... （拜托，不要！）然後又會開始想，我為甚麼要辦展覽呢，我為甚麼要做這樣或那樣呢，突然，就會滿腦子「為甚麼」...
2014-07-05
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2014-03-28
2014-02-13
Dear Crystal,
Don't be afraid to change, you never know what's coming next. Let it surprise you, and it will always come in a good way. Take the adventure.
Kiss from Montemor O Novo
Crystal
To travel! To change countries!
To be forever someone else,
With a soul that has no roots,
Living only off what's it sees!
